Tusk to Tail: Alabama, Pepsi and rain. Yuck.

Looks like we picked the wrong week to play Alabama.

You may need to be over 40 to get that movie reference. 1980’s Airplane! features Lloyd Bridges as an air traffic controller trying to shake multiple addictions, culminating in the infamous line, “Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.” He still managed to look younger and more competent than John L. Smith.

Let’s go further back in time. The last home shutout of the Razorbacks was in 1966, when we lost to Baylor. I can only assume that Robert Griffin the First was the quarterback.

I was hoping our history lesson would include Brad Taylor, the strong-armed local boy from Yell County thrust into duty as a freshman, delivering four solid years of productivity despite a change in coaching regimes.

But while Redshirt freshman Quarterback Brandon Allen showed reason for hope while alternating with Brandon Mitchell, the game’s results won’t leave many Hog fans asking, “Tyler who?” The Razorbacks played hard, but were narrowly edged 52-0.

Though almost nobody in Tusk to Tail ever leaves a game early, it was hard to resist a roof over my head and a drink in my hand during the pouring rain. Complicating matters is Reynolds Razorback Stadium’s new contract with Pepsi. As one Tusk to Tailgater said, “Now we have to sneak in whiskey and Coke.”

Tusk to Tail always has, and always will support the Arkansas Razorbacks players.  However, the apparent lack of leadership on this coaching staff has led to us only half-jokingly consider a class action “bait and switch” law suit. This is not the season we signed up for.

There was no question that the tailgate was better than the game. What once was the icing is now the cupcake.

After the game, I talked to my mother, who is commonly know as Pollyanna for her constant “glass is half full” outlook. Looking for any ray of sunshine for this article, I asked her opinion of the game.

“At least we’re not Penn State,” she said.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2012 Razorbacks. We don’t molest children.

I know what I want to be when I grow up.

Old enough to be most tailgater’s parents, the Apple Hog/River Valley Hog Callers were a force to reckon with in the rain and at a time that most tails were still getting gated.

Boasting more square footage than my first apartment, these folks do what they like and like what they do. When told they had won our “Show us your tents” contest, Apple Hog’s mayor told me, “Give that girl another beer or two, and she’s liable to show ‘em to anybody.”

Cheers, my friends.

Think you have a better tailgate? Show us your tents! E-mail pictures to